TITLE: Sane Insanity
FEEDBACK: Lots of it please! Send to firstname.lastname@example.org,
but no flames please, you have been warned many times that this is written
by the Evil Fred Muse, she is not a sane person, and she tends to take
I had had it up to here with Charles. I knew what was going on. Sure he said that he loved me and cared about me, and maybe in some twisted way he did. But really I was just a toy to him, something for him to parade around, a chip in a poker match, and I was sick of it. I was getting so tired of having to worry about what other people thought of our relationship, but that was when I realized, no one else knew about it but Wesley, he was the only one who had clue that Charles and I were dating, and I would think to myself: why was that? That’s when I started to notice that the only times that Charles really harped on me to kiss him or touch him was when Wes was somewhere near by. Like he needed Wesley to be there to watch us, and that was what was really sick. What, the first time we had to sex Wesley was going to have to be there, nuh uh, I don’t think so.
Charles wasn’t the only thing I was tired of though. I was sick of being thought of as the good girl, the innocent and shy one. Honestly people, if I was so damned innocent I wouldn’t have lasted two days in Pylea. I lied, cheated, and stole in order to survive that hell hole, and I came out of there just a little worse for wear, but it wasn’t that bad. They called me the Crazy Taco Lady but hello it is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for a reason, I mean how sane would you be if you had been turned into a slave, runaway, and I won’t even tell you what else for the last five years? I am sure that you will agree that I should be allowed to have some degree of insanity to me because how healthy would it be if I just suppressed everything and acted like nothing happened, not healthy at all. And maybe, maybe there have been some lasting side effects that I haven’t told anyone about, but I guess you will have to decide that on your own, won’t you?
But anyway, back to the point of all of this, the whole reason I am telling you this, writing this down. I have decided that someone should know the truth behind everything that happened, I know that I am to blame, but no one else will, that is except for you. Maybe this is an act to let my guilty conscience rest, but I doubt it for the mere fact that I have no guilt over what I did. I guess that is one reason to call me crazy, I did a lot of things that you might consider to be bad, self destructive, and hurtful, but I don’t see that way, I see it as the best possible solution to my problems, as my saving grace. So to start at the beginning I will restate what I have said before, I was getting sick and tired of Charles Gunn. I was his trophy girl or some prize that he won at some stupid ring toss in the twisted carnival that he calls his mind. You want to know something, something that you probably already guessed, I am not a piece of meat that you can declare as your own, no damn it! I am a fucking living breathing human being and I wasn’t being treated as such, that is what really pissed me off. After my initial anger started to subside I came up with a plan, one in which I would exact the ultimate revenge on Charles, and I guess there was a part of me that was sorry at first that I was going to hurt other people that had treated me so well, but you know what they say: payback’s a bitch.
You see Charles is all talk and no show. I was pretty much fed up with foreplay because it never went anywhere with him. Always, always he would try to work me up and then say he was too tried and that he had to go home, mainly because Wesley wasn’t there anymore. Like I said before, I swear in order for Charles to have sex with me we would have had to tie Wesley to a chair and prop his eyes open with toothpicks so that Charles would be sure that his boss was watching. Now I don’t have a problem with sex, love making, sleeping with another person, whatever you want to call it, but having someone else watch, well that is a different story. That is just sick and twisted, especially when that other person has feelings for the woman that you are sleeping with. Yes I knew Wesley had feelings for me, I knew it all along and I wish now, more than ever that he had actually done something about it. I mean the man didn’t say anything, just threw little hints here and there, pfft! Like I am suppose to understand that when he was avoiding me for the longest time after that whole thing with that kid Billy’s demon blood. Sure maybe I shouldn’t have gone out with Charles, but a girl has needs.
Now here is where things start to become very twisted. I warn you, unless you are ready for this, I mean really ready for a trip to the “dark” side then turn back now while you still can, because I will be the first to admit it, sometimes I think that I am a bit off myself. If you are still with me now then here is the plan that brought down the little man. I was going to get back at Charles the best way I knew how, and at the same time fulfill my urges. I was going to sleep with Wesley and then let Charles find out about it, oh it still gives me tingles just thinking about it. Of course you are saying, but Wesley is such an honorable man, he would never sleep with his friend’s “girl”. Ha, shows you how much you know! One little teaspoon of Valerian changed all that, but of course he only blames himself. Wesley is such a martyr sometimes! That’s how I knew he was going to be prefect for this, because no one would blame sweet innocent Fred, especially when we all know that Wes has feelings for her.
I bet you are saying, how on earth did you find out about Valerian. Well sometimes it pays off to be a bookworm. I researched, made phone calls, looked on the web, all together it only took a few days to figure out what I needed to do to achieve the effect that I wanted. To simplify it for you let’s just say that I wanted Wesley to think that everything that was happening was a dream. I know that you will think me an egotist but I am very certain that Wesley has had dreams about me before, I have had them about him. They were good, but not as good as the real thing, but that is getting ahead of myself. The point of making Wesley think that what happened was just a dream is again simply, it made it easier to talk him into doing what I wanted him to. And getting my hands on the Valerian, well that was just as easy as pie, you can get it at any local magic story. Just tell them that you are having problems sleeping and they even tell you how to use it. One teaspoon in your tea or coffee, stir, and the stuff is tasteless and odorless so you won’t be able to tell that you are drinking it.
“Come on Fred,” Charles begged me for the fifth time that day. “We’ll have fun.”
“No,” I shook my head at him. “I don’t feel like it. I am tired.” The same excuse he gives me all the time, ha! How did ya like that?
“Oh fine,” he threw his hands up in the air and walked away. Basically he wanted me to come back to his apartment with him, get me all hot and bothered and then send me packing. No thanks, I had other plans in mind.
After Charles gave up so easily I pretended to go up to my room, but really I was watching and waiting. A big thank you to the Powers that night because things were slow and Charles decided to head home early. And after he left I put my plan into action and trotted down to the kitchen with a skip in my step, I was going to make some tea.
“Hey Wesley,” I said quietly as I stepped into his office.
He looked up and jumped a little, “Oh hi Fred.”
“Um,” I shifted a little and started to sound nervous. “I made some tea and thought well, would you like to join me?”
“I am really busy Fred,” he turned away. “Maybe another time.”
“Oh, okay,” I sniffled a little. “I mean I just thought it would be nice since we don’t spend any time together any more and, well if you are busy I understand.” I started to walk out of his office.
“Fred,” I stopped. “Wait,” he half asked, half sighed.
“Yeah,” slowly I looked back at him.
“I would love to join you,” he finally said. I gave him a big smile and led him off to the kitchen.
The drinking commenced. Only it wasn’t just one cup of tea. The tea lead to liquor, leading to more liquor, and of course a few trips to the bathroom, but that did not stop us. No, we were having a grand old time.
“So then,” Wesley giggled. “He starts to strangle me out of nowhere.”
I chuckled uncontrollably. “In the nude? He started to choke you to death while he wasn’t dressed?”
“Yes,” Wes sputtered. “At the time of course it didn’t seem that funny, but now.”
“Now it is hilarious,” I snickered and clutched at my sides. I was laughing so hard that I fell off my seat, “Oops.” I giggled some more.
“Fred,” Wes called out. “Fred where’d you go?”
In between my fits of giggles I managed to call out, “Here. I am down here.”
“Well what are you doing down there silly,” he laughed and tried to help me up but just fell down on top of me.
“Apparently,” I laughed at him, “the same thing you are. Laughing so damn hard that I can’t stand up.”
“We really need to get up,” he tried to stand but slipped.
I got this impulse, this urge to just reach out and tickle him. So that is exactly what I did. “You first,” I gave him a silly smile as I ran my fingers up and down his sides. “If you can.”
“Hmm,” he started to tickle me back smirking at me. “I can, but can you.”
“Ah,” I squealed and wriggled against him. “Stop! Wesley I can’t breathe.”
“Okay,” he lifted one hand and balanced on the other. “Truce?”
“Truce,” I smiled. “Now help me up you oaf!”
“Alright, alright,” he somehow managed to stand up this time. “Keep your shirt on,” he grumbled but had a smirk on his face at the same time.
“Only if you want me to,” I retorted and he gave me a serious look. “It was a joke Wes. I think you need more liquor, you are starting to sober up and no one is allowed to be sober before I am.”
“Ha, ha,” he pulled at my arm. “I think I have had more than my share tonight.”
“Oh,” I put my hand to my head to stop the spinning. “I know I have. I don’t think I am going to make it up to my room.”
“That might be a problem,” he tried to steady me. “I don’t think you fancy sleeping on the floor.”
“Nuh uh,” I snickered. “Bed, I like beds. They are nice and soft. And you wouldn’t think so because they are made up of all those metal springs and bars. You think they would poke you and keep you up all night. But no, they are nice support thingys. Tehehe.”
“Hmm, can you walk?”
“I should think so,” I replied. “I have been walking since before I could, before I could,” I struggled to remember. “Well for a very long time. Just watch.” I started to take a few steps and then started to fall and clung to him. “I don’t think I am going to make it up to my room,” I laughed. “Hey wait, didn’t I say that already?”
“Yes you did,” he giggled with me. “I think,” he tested his own feet. “Yes, I think between the both of us we can make it up to your room.”
“But how are you going to make it back down,” I gave him a concerned look.
“Let’s just worry about getting you upstairs, okay,” he started to walk the both of us out of the kitchen and into the lobby.
“Okay,” I leaned against him some and started to walk with him up the stairs into my room.
Finally after some tripping and more giggling we had it up to my door. “I don’t think it is locked,” I tried to twist the knob. “Oh fiddlesticks! It is.”
“Fiddlesticks,” he gave me a strange look. “Who in the world says fiddlesticks anymore?”
“I do,” I glared at him. “But that doesn’t matter now. I can’t even get into my own room.”
Wesley reached out and turned the knob opening the door. “And now you can,” he laughed.
“Well,” I tried to detach myself from him. “Maybe it just doesn’t like me.”
“Hmm, yeah that must be it,” he laughed. “The doorknob said, ‘You know I really don’t like the way that Fred girl turns me so I am not going to open for her tonight.’”
“Oh,” I tried to turn around to whap at him but instead fell on him. “Oh, I don’t think I can make it to my bed.”
“Really,” he chuckled at me and started to help me into the room.
“What,” I looked at him. “What is so funny this time?”
“Well this is just like this dream I have,” he talked freely and an idea came to my head. My first plan was pretty easy, just get him into bed and let the Valerian do its job. But now that he was drunk things would be so much more fun, I wouldn’t have to work as hard and everything would still turn out the way I wanted it, because all good plans have room for modification. Besides by the time we managed to get upstairs it had awhile from when he drank the tea so the Valerian was probably out of his system
“Yes,” he helped to settle me down onto the bed.
“So what happens now your dream,” I looked up at him innocently.
“You start to fall back into the bed and pull me down with you,” he giggled inanely.
“Like this,” I reached up and pulled him down on top of he with a laugh.
He smiled at me, “Yes exactly like that. I must be dreaming.”
“Well then,” I grinned back. “What happens next in your dream?”
“This is a dream right,” he looked at me with some wonder his eyes and reached out to stroke my cheek. So different from what Charles does. The touch was so gentle, so inviting, not hard and quick, no this was slow and smooth.
“If you say it is,” I replied reaching up to touch his face wanting so badly to just bring him crashing down onto my lips, but at the same time wanting to savior every second of what was happening.
“Next,” he lowered his head to mine and I could smell the liquor on his breath, it smelled so sweet I just wanted to lick him. “Next I lower my lips to yours and kiss you senseless.”
“Hmm,” I reached behind him and started to edge his head to mine. “I think that sounds perfect.” We kissed and it was the most wonderful kiss ever. Sweet, gentle, peaceful, passionate, it was all that and much more. Once he started to pull away from me I flipped him over and straddled him on the bed.
“Hey,” he grumbled a little and laughed. “You never did that before. Are you sure this is my dream?”
“Does it matter,” I wiggled on top of him. “Don’t you like this?”
“I think you have the advantage here,” he frowned a little.
I laughed, “Now, now. Don’t pout. I’ll make it worth your while.”
He tried to sit up to touch me but I pushed him back down. “That’s not fair,” he pouted again.
“What about this,” in one quick movement I took off my shirt and threw it across the room. Wesley just stared at me wide eyed in wonder, of course that may have had to do with the fact that I wasn’t wearing a bra.
“That is definitely not fair,” he finally managed to choke out.
“Really,” I reached down and picked up one of his hands. “What if I let you do this,” I put his hand on my breast and let it rest there.
“I like that,” he kneaded my skin and played with my nipple between his fingers.
I laughed a little and pushed his hand away, “No silly. I didn’t say you could do that. You are getting ahead of yourself.”
He growled at me. “You aren’t being very nice,” he gave me a cross look.
I leaned down close this ear. “Who said I was suppose to be nice,” I whispered and the giggled against his skin nipping at his earlobe.
The rest of the night, well I’ll keep it to myself because if I tell you every detail you probably burn this before you finish reading it, and that would make me writing it down pointless. Besides, the crazy, wonderful, pleasurable sex we had that night was not the point of this whole thing. Well in a way it was, because I was getting back at Charles by sleeping with Wesley, but the fun started the next morning when we woke up.
I could hear something pounding on the door to my room but I just rolled over and nuzzled into the warm body next to me. “Make the pounding stop,” I purred into his ear.
“What the hell!” Wesley set straight up in bed near knocking me off but I managed to stay in the bed by clinging to him.
“Hey,” I whapped him. “I said making the pounding stop, not start the head spinning again.”
“Fred,” He looked at me with his mouth gaped. Most likely because he remembered everything that happened from and then added the fact that we were both naked and when he sat up the sheet had uncovered my body.
“Yes,” I gave him a rather sulky look. “That is my name. And you are Wesley. Now go back to sleep or make the pounding stop.” I turned over and tried to sleep.
“Fred!” He hissed my name. “Do you remember what happened? Do you realize who is outside your door right now?”
“No,” I mumbled into my pillow. “Because this is all a dream and in ten minutes time I will wake up and Charles will demand to go to breakfast. Now let me sleep.”
“This is not a dream Fred,” He shook my arm. “This is a very bad nightmare. We, we had sex last night and right now Gunn is outside your door.”
“He isn’t,” I sat up and glared at him. “We didn’t have sex last night really because it was all a dream and in about five second one of us going to wake up and realize that the pounding is actually an alarm clock going off.” Then I stopped and looked over at my nightstand and started to pretend to freak out. “Oh god,” I gasped. “Oh god, I don’t have an alarm clock. Oh god!”
“Okay let’s just think for a minute,” Wesley tried to calm me.
“Think,” I screeched. “We don’t have time to think. Did you lock the door?”
“You’re right, and how should I know,” he started to pale a bit.
“If you didn’t then,” I started to say and just then Charles came bursting into the room.
He just stood there looking at us sitting in bed together without any clothes on. I could see the anger start to rise in his face and the heat of his rage came radiating toward me. Somehow, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop myself from letting a smirk come across my face. Everything was happening just how I planed it and now everything was about to fall into place.
“Gunn,” Wesley started to speak. “We can explain. This isn’t what it looks like.”
Charles was not listening to him though; he wasn’t even looking at Wesley, no his eyes were focused on me and the smile that I couldn’t hide. He flew at me and picked me up by the arm and slammed me down on to the floor. “You bitch,” he yelled as he started to kick me.
“Charles stop,” I whimpered, but inside I was laughing. This was too much.
“Gunn stop this, it isn’t her fault,” Wesley tried to pull him away but Charles just pushed him off. He picked me up by my hair and started to slam me against the wall.
“Shut up you bastard,” he yelled while he kept punching me in the stomach. “You’re next.” Every punch he made caused me to cringle a little, not because I was in pain, no I was used to that, but because I had to fight so hard not to giggle at him.
Again Wesley tried to pull him off me but it did not work. Charles merely turned around and hit Wesley down. Then when I tried to crawl away he slammed my head into the wall, then picked me up and pushed my back into so hard into the wall I could feel my ribs start to crack. Tears of joy and pain started to run down my checks. “That’s right bitch,” he screamed slapping me a few more times. “Cry all you like cause I am gonna kill you. How could you do this to me? Make me a fool when all this time you were sleeping with him! You fucking whore!”
“I wasn’t,” I managed to choke out but he put his hand to my throat and started to choke me.
“I don’t want to hear it you slut!” He squeezed my neck so tightly that I thought I was going to black out.
“Fred,” Wesley moaned from the floor. I could see, somehow I wasn’t sure because my face was starting to swell, that he had found his pants. “I am going to get help. Hang on.”
“Get back here you asshole,” Charles turned away but kept me pinned to the wall.
Once Wesley was out of the room I laughed because everything was turning out better than I expected. Charles had lowered his hand when he turned to look at Wesley and I was able to breath again. “Hey Charles,” I chuckled and he looked at me with angry eyes. “Texas loves the black man,” I giggled insanely for a few seconds before he started to hit me and slammed me to the floor kicking my stomach.
“Is that,” I choked out spitting up some blood. “Is that the best you can do?”
“Shut up bitch,” he hissed at me.
“Make me,” I snarled back and he kicked at my head. I let out a horrid sounding scream. “Didn’t work.”
“You conniving little whore,” he shoved the heel of his shoe into my skull. “You planned this all along didn’t you?”
“Wesley help,” I cried out.
Charles slammed his foot down it my shoulder. “He isn’t going to help you,” he growled. “He probably figured out what a slut you were and left you here for me to kill.”
“Someone help me,” I whimpered out and then started to laugh. “No Charles. No one will help you. I am the sweet innocent child here, not you. You will get the blame, not me.” Then I stood up and took his hand to my face and forced his nails down into my skin. As I pulled his hand down across my cheek blood started to trickle down. “Help me please, he is trying to kill me,” I called out in a pathetic voice.
“You are sick,” he snatched his hand back. Charles tried to get the blood of by wiping on his shirt but it didn’t help because he just slapped me again to shut me up. “You are twisted sick bitch. Why are you doing this?” He slammed me into the wall again.
“Cause you left me no choice,” I hissed at him. That was the last thing I remember. He cracked something over my head and I blacked out after that. I woke up a few days later in the hospital and Wesley was there watching over me. He cried when he saw me wake up and told me not to try to speak, there had been damaged down to my vocal cords, but everything was okay now, everything was going to be fine. You know what, he was right.
Wesley felt guilty. For a long time he thought he was to blame for everything. But we all talked him out of it, well Angel, Cordy, and I did, Lorne keeps looking at me funny like he knows what really happened. I just make sure that I never sing around him. Charles, well we don’t hear from him or talk about him anymore. He is in jail for attempted manslaughter. His trial was kind of funny, the judge told him that just because his girlfriend was accidentally slipped a Mickey was no reason for him to try to kill her. Thankfully he didn’t have a good attorney, otherwise he might be out and about, but he couldn’t afford a lawyer and Angel wasn’t about to pay for one for him so he got a lawyer from the Office of State Public Defender, who was over worked, under paid and thought that he was guilty anyway.
Things are going pretty good around here. I moved out of the hotel about three months ago and in with Wesley. He got a townhouse not too far away from his old neighborhood. For about the first month he wouldn’t let me go out of the townhouse down to the corner store without him, now he is a little bit more relaxed since we know our neighbors. We are having a dinner party next week with a couple of them and Angel and Cordy are coming too. It is like we are playing house, it is so much fun. My life is prefect, and yours can be too, all you have to do is follow this simple guide. Make two men fall in love with you, pretend to choose the lesser one, sleep with the better one, then make the lesser one try to kill you, and finally end up happily ever after with the better man.
So this is where my story ends. By now you think that I should be in the mental ward of some state hospital, I am sure of it. You know what, I don’t care what you think I have a wonderful life, everything I ever wanted, why should that make me crazy? But like I said it is up to you, and if nothing else works remember this, Texas loves the black man, hehe, bye now!